Kongossa Korner - Dimako Edition

So during stage, most of us thought our amicale was boring and very, very long. I think that our opinions may have been heavily influenced by the fact that amicale was during what little free time we had (3 hours a day) outside of training sessions, model school and spending time with our host families. I was lucky enough to already have French, so my host family time was more hangout and less French immersion.

Anyway, amicale….

I arrived to my first amicale here in Dimako in December prepared to be bored and not follow what was going on for several hours and then to eat food and drink a drink that I’d paid too much for. This was luckily not the case! (Ok, so maybe the meeting part was a little over my head with all the new names and new rules and I will admit that it’s significantly easier for me to zone out of French than English. My eyes may have been vacant and I may have even drooled unintentially. Who knows?)

In September, I learned the first rule of amicale: NEVER SHOW UP ON TIME!!! (Unless you’re an officer) I also learned that one of the teachers had a problem with another teacher. It was never really clear to me. I kinda just assumed that the pissy teacher was just an ass. He was transferred to East Jesus Nowhere halfway through the year and that was that.

So I learned the ropes of amicale. You talk to whoever you sit next to and hope the questions and conversation don’t go anywhere strange (So what do you think about incest? Is it legal where you’re from?). You drink your palm wine and smile at people. You get help on people’s names from the few people whose names you do know. Thank you, Nathalie! (It doesn’t help that some people live in Yaounde and still belong to this amicale. At least they’re still teachers at LT Dimako, unlike that one dude from Lomie…but I digress.) You eat your food and try everything, except taro (bleagh), because it all tastes good.

I’ve recently gotten so good at being late to amicale that I’ve missed the last two. Once because I was out of town, being proactive about my future (GRE) and once because it looked like it might rain and I didn’t want to get dressed. I am an adult.

To continue on my adult responsibility streak I’ve been on lately, I finally picked up my amicale pagne (we all wear outfits made of the same fabric or you pay a fine) and tried it on. There was definitely some gymnastics involved, but I managed to both take it on and put it off  (I had some terrible visions of having to wait till Sunday to ask my post mate to help me change my clothes…). I left really late and missed the whole meeting part (go me!) and arrived just in time for the food.

This group* went all out. There was enough seating for everyone and even though I forgot to order a drink, there was one for me. We didn’t just have the ever-important chicken,** we also had goat! It was soooooooo good. It reminded me a bit of brisket. Yum. And we of course had fried plantains and batons.

Back to the real reason for me to write this entry…I finally found out what happened between those teachers eons ago!

Tomorrow we give the students their 2^nd trimester report cards, so every teacher has been signing their names on report cards next to official comments (Perfect, Feeble, Null, Mediocre, Good Enough, etc.), until their right arms fell off. Because of some computer problems, we’ve been unable to update who teaches which class on the report cards, so Mr. Pissy Teacher is still on there and one of my colleagues was still on there as my students’ French teacher despite numerous changes in that position. Several teachers have been taking advantage of the glitch to say that because their names aren't on their report cards, they don’t have to sign. A few administrators were asking (commanding) that people come in early to sign the report cards, so we’ll give them out completed tomorrow. A few teachers were saying (shouting from the rooftops) that if they were doing all the work, they wanted their names on the report card.

Everyone was pissed and was taking it out on the principal’s secretary, because she’s the person who inputs all the information, despite the fact that it’s not her job. A lot of people took exception to that (and then I got wrapped up in the incest conversation…) and something happened and suddenly the yelling people were different yelling people  and the teacher from the beginning (the not pissy one) was shouting and slamming his fist on the tables.

I thought that he and another ‘nother teacher were going to come to blows. I admit that I was mesmerized and may have tried to eat my cell phone thinking it was pineapple. As soon as the two angry dudes got away from the door, I scooted.

After another 15 minutes of shouting that culminated with the now very pissed teacher shouting, I SHIT ON IT!!! (not sure what), while swinging around a beer bottle, he was finally coaxed onto a moto by his friend (with whom he almost came to blows).

…only to return 5 minutes later, just as pissed. At which point, I thanked the hosts and took my leave.

But anyway, real kongossa (gossip) time! The first pissed-off teacher had very good reason to be pissed with tonight’s contestant for Miss Congeniality. They had actually had a fist fight during an amicale last year! Whoa! And now they're talking about banning Miss Congeniality from all future amicales, which would be really awkward, because he’s in a leadership position at school.

Lessons Learned Tonight:
1. Try to get a seat by the door. You’ll get a breeze along with your mosquito bites and if a fight breaks out, you can make a fast exit.

2. Know intricate details of the American legal system, especially concerning incest.

3. Know how to better describe distant cousins.

4. Always carry a plastique for your doggy bag for cat.

*group - Depending on the amicale, you have at least two people who host together. They generally pay for the food, while the guests might pay for a drink
**If you have a party and you don't serve chicken, you have done a very bad thing manners-wise. Everyone will be talking, until the next millenium about how cheap you were.