Donne-moi un chat

In Cameroon, there are three ways of asking for things:

1. Donne-moi l'argent ('Give me' the money. Not terribly polite, but by far the most used)
2. Je peux avoir 100 de beignets ? ('I can have' 100CFA of beignets? The question mark is just barely there. It's definitely more of a statement and it's the one that I use the most.)
3. Il n'y a pas de piment?/Ce n'est pas... ('Isn't there' hot sauce? The most polite and a great opening to sending someone to find whatever it is you want. You give them the price you want to pay and if they're nice, they find it for you)

Yesterday on my way back to Dimako, I heard all of them. I had my giant LLBean backpack filled with books and clothes, my moto helmet and a basket full of cats. It's actually my worst nighrmare that it isn't a nightmare.

One of my friends is going to France for a vacation and I am taking care of her cat, Jupiter. George and Jupiter are best friends. They play and snuggle and are pretty freaking cute. If I was better with a camera, I would take a terrible/cute kitten video and set it to inappropriate music and post it on youtube and become a millionaire overnight. Luckily, my mad skills are definitely in other areas, so no one has to deal with that.

Anyway, I am poor right now, because I have bad spending habits and accidentally gifted someone with 10,000 of credit. As a result, I decided to take a car to Dimako instead of my own moto. The price difference is 1200CFA, which is almost a week's worth of groceries.

Unfortunately, I arrived to take the last seat in a car. Normally this would be a great thing - less time to wait in the sun, less time to sweat on strangers, getting home faster, etc. However, just after our car got a rolling start with the help of a few other drivers, another driver started yelling at our driver, so he reversed into a kid pushing a wheelbarrow/shop selling school supplies and then  back into his parking spot. He and the front seat passenger took off without an explanation, so it was just the mama, the cats and me.

This was seriously the most stubborn mama I have ever met. She was also sitting between me and the door and showed very little interest in opening said door and getting out. We waited in the car in the sun with the backseat windows rolled up for at least 5 minutes. She opened the door and we waited 10 more, until she finally decided to let me get out. She encouraged me to leave the cats inside the hot car. Horrifying, right?!

The cats were looking awful - panting, their eyes barely open. I was thinking that my friend would kill me, if I killed her cat on Day 2. I grabbed 50cfa of a sachet of water (a baggie of water) and poured some in the basket with them. I put them in the shade of the car and stood with them keeping a weather eye out for the driver, who was about to get an earful.

Meanwhile, the questions started. "Donne-moi un chat" - "Give me a cat. You have two! I'm hungry!" Yes, they were asking me to give them a kitten to prepare and eat. My host mother, Stephanie, told me that in the East people eat everything, but not to worry they stopped eating people. (That is the sort of statement that makes a person worry.) There's another volunteer in the East whose dog follows him everywhere. He rides to villages all around his town and the dog comes with. He said that at the end of every meeting he has, he asks if anyone has any questions. They ask their questions and then they say "and we want to eat your dog." He told the story with a twinkle in his eye and a smile in his heart.

So far, I haven't had anyone express an interest in eating George - just the occasional person trying to shock me by saying "you know we eat cat here." Easy enough to shrug off; I usually tell people I don't know that George hunts mice and that's why I have him.

It didn't work this time. It just sparked a discussion of what meat was the best. Apparently, cat is significantly more delicious than beef. Je peux avoir un chat? They'd accepted that they weren't going to get both cats, but there was still the possibility of getting one; I had a spare - Why not?

I was forced to explain that I was also taking care of my friend's cat. I didn't have a moment's peace, until I got home. It also didn't occur to me until just now that I was right next to the Ministry of Soya, where they prepare and cook all kinds of meat.