So during IST, while I was busy choosing which end to put over the toilet, I made a vow to myself:
I will go at least a month without getting sick.
I am determined.
After my first ever brush with food poisoning, I went for almost 3 weeks of perfect blissful health. I went out, I slept, I ate - life went on and I began to take my good health for granted again. What a privilege!
Then it happened. This morning I was getting up to brush my teeth and I had this weird awful cramp just under my rib cage and at my lower back. It was telling me something and that something was "Get thee to a toilet! On the double!"
I went and I felt better and I ascribed the incident to mystery shits and moved on with my life. I moved on to a very fancy breakfast of blue cheese and croissants (Thank you, Walid! You spoil us rotten!) and enjoyed it immensely.
I was ready to go out and take on the police station to make my report and then it happened again. Terrible cramps that made me go pale and race for the toilet.
Nothing happened.
I swear I spend more of my life thinking about my bowel movements than anything else. I don't think about my work or anything else nearly as much. I can tell you down to the half hour when I had my last movement.
To cut an already long story short, I made it through the day and my meeting with the police commissioner without "joining the club" and was feeling very proud of myself for not heading to the toilet for the past 5.5 hours, until I found out a potential cause for my torment...
Cheese. The greatest love of my life.
Have you seen the movie French Kiss with Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline? She's eating all these gorgeous cheeses and talking about how there are more than 300 national cheeses. Then it hits her.
LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!!!!!!
And apparently it doesn't always go away. Ice cream and milk are fine, but I might have to say goodbye to cheeses for all time. I'm not ready for it to end. I need more time!
I'm hoping that with time we'll get back together. It'll be a joyful reunion.
And no one will shit.
Bummer! That is no fun. Cheese is great. Could it be a particular variety causing the problem? I say that because you should be having the same reaction to ice cream and milk, not just cheese.
ReplyDeleteIt was really really delicious blue cheese (bleu d'Auvergne, I think?) and as long as there's a nice toilet nearby, I think it's worth the risk.
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